When was the last time you had a conversation with your spouse about something other than work or the kids?

It happens to the best of us. We know communication is important, but we get caught in a rut that goes something like this:

“How was your day?”

“Fine.”

End of conversation.

Sound familiar?

It’s easy to slip into routines that function to get work done, and everyone fed, transported, and kept alive for one more day. Good job!

Add to our normal routines the holiday parties, shopping, school activities, and a busy schedule tips to overload. This can also be a wonderful time to connect through meaningful conversations. Take in a festive setting, or simply light the fireplace, put the kids to bed, and set aside some time to just focus on your relationship.

Try one of these open-ended questions to explore beyond our usual surface exchanges:

• How do you want to feel after the holiday? Can we set some intentions?

• What is something that you’re currently worrying about?

• What are you currently grateful for?

• What is an apology that I owe you?

• What have I not yet thanked you for?

• What is one thing, small or large, that we need to celebrate?

• What was the best thing about this past week for you?

• What was the worst thing about this past week for you?

• I think, as a couple, we should do more of ____________.

• I think, as a couple, we should do less of ____________.

• What difficult or uncomfortable conversation have we not yet had?

• What’s one thing that you wish I would ask you about more often?

• What are some things we’re doing well as parents? Is there something we are not on the same page as parents?

• What is it like to be married to me currently?

Here’s hoping this holiday season brings much joy.

However, If this season reveals “bruises that seem to surface like mud beneath the snow,”* we at Emery are here to support you.

*lyrics from “Snow” by Sleeping at Last